how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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