i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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