I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i now understand why vodka
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
