he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ugly people sure do ruin things
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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