She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
