Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
