Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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