Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
