I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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