You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
