Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
