There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
