There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize