That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
