I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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