he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
