so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
