Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
