I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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