I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
