I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
