I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
