Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
