wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
