guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
