hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize