She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
