That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
