you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
