Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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