Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
