So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
