I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
