im drinking this country out of the recession.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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