So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
