im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize