ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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