I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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