MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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