Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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