in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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