There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
