I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
