My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
