I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
