Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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