just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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