he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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