Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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