what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
