I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
