return my video game
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize