I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She even gives head with a lisp.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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