apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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