Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
