You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
