I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Porn is love you can see.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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