Don't you send me to vm
My hand turned me down
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
