3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
