A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
