sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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