okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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