first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Still dying that you shit outside
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
