My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
