im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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