so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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