i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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