you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize