No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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