Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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