She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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