Kiss
Puke
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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