peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
