I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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