I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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