ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
