A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
