Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
