just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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