there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
