apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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