Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
