The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Farmville is her only friend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
