I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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