Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
