too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
