Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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