he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
