I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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