so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
