He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
