I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
vagina is talking i cant
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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