Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
