How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
