please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
