did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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