don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
